Compassion or Tough Love, Which Helps More? The Answer May Surprise You.

People like to attack my spirituality because of my no bullshit approach to things. Health being number one. I get accused of being a lot of things like pretentious, judgemental, harsh, etc because of the way I speak on serious topics, and I definitely hit a lot of uncomfortable chords with people. But this is not all there is to me or my work. That approach shows through mainly on my social media, so let me expand…

I am trained and immensely capable of holding space for the most safe, compassionate, and trauma healing environment possible, and I do that on the regular with my clients. That deeper work is sacred, holy, and the facilitator/therapist I show up as in that environment is very different than the surface level elements of me you see on Instagram or Facebook.

There are two parts to healing and growth and what I see is two very extreme paradigms. One is the endlessly explanative world of “I’m this way because of XYZ” and is centered around extreme measures to feel safe. It’s focused on changing the world to feel safer, happier, and more accepted. And all you have to do is look at the results to see this extreme and slightly twisted version of acceptance is NOT helping anyone. On the other end of the spectrum is the success driven, masculine dominant world of “f*ck your feelings” and extreme bypassing that lands people in success overdrive with all emotions buried alive only to seep out in other unhealthy ways. (Workaholic, people pleasing, success addicts, etc.)

The thing is we need BOTH of these elements to truly integrate. We need to feel the emotions, process the feelings, RELEASE it from our bodies, rewire the nervous system and subconscious brain.. and THEN, the VITAL step of changing our mindset, our perspectives, and our filters of the world MUST happen or we stay in that emotional ER state forever. While that might give us a deep understanding of our pain or how we got to where we are, it will never really move us forward. The tough love, personal responsibility part of the process is KEY, but it generally has to happen after the deeper work starts being put into place. That’s why a lot of people who try these extreme programs fail. They didn’t have the proper framework to add in those elements and therefore it just adds insult to injury and compounds the underlying problems.

So yes, trauma healing requires a special kind of intuition and compassion to facilitate, but the next phase also requires you know exactly when and how to step up and be a LEADER who is not afraid to hold someone to higher standards and move them forward.

I will hold up a mirror for them to look at themselves, their own behaviors and actions, and take 100% responsibility for their life and their future. Nothing I do for them can make that happen, that’s on THEM. I just guide.

We have swung so far from the “don’t victim shame” side of things that most people are in a perpetual state of “it’s not my fault” victimhood. The truth is trauma, illness, and many other struggles that people go through are rarely someone’s fault. I don’t subscribe to a lot of the New Age thought process of “you attracted those things into your life” or “you chose them so that you could grow”. There are some elements to those theories that can present as true, but also sometimes on a very human and real level we just get dealt really shitty cards that we don’t know how to work with. But the solution, the healing, or the transformation always is available for anyone to choose. Anyone can choose to look at things as within their control and shift their internal filters for the better.

Yes, I’m fiery, Im intense, I’m a warrior who speaks truth and who is not afraid to go against the main stream narrative that we are powerless to change our life, health, or that the medical world will save us and RX drugs are normal amongst many other things.

Why are we at the point that we are defending bullshit labels that are literally just made up terms the medical world uses to describe our symptoms rather than looking at our role in things? Why are we clinging to the same medical world that doesn’t help us and is the 3rd leading cause of death and defending it as “science” while attacking those who call attention to personal responsibility, education and proaction when it comes to mental one physical health or healing?

The answer is it feels safe and easy to be told you have an incurable condition and that the only thing that will help a little is a pill you pop daily. It takes all the expectation off the individual and allows them to pass off responsibility to their doctor, therapist, medications and so on. It’s easy on the surface, yet makes life so much harder. This is why people are not getting better. This is why I speak up and am always calling out this insane and backwards approaches that exist in mental and physical health. It offends many, it feels harsh and “judgey” but it also wakes others up. It gives them that truth bomb they needed to say “no more. I’m doing something about this”. In essence, when someone is READY, that callout becomes the most empowering moment of their life because when you say “I have a voice in this” you realize you can CHANGE it.

In summary, we need love, compassion, deep core would trauma healing, and we need medical resources where necessary. However, we also need self initiative, self responsibility, pro action and to heal those fragile parts of us that can’t handle being confronted with our own shortcomings. We need a swift kick in the ass sometimes! Period.

It’s not a common approach in a world that thrives off of extremes, but that is exactly who I am and how I show up in this space of healing. It’s a highly individualized process that has to be approached with meticulous care when working with someone directly which is why my process goes deeper and creates the change it does. This is probably the most beautiful part of what I get to do by blending modalities and therapies, and the results my clients have speak for themselves.

I’m not afraid to stand up for the millions of people who have been harmed by the very things that are supposed to help them, labeled and disregarded, bypassed or invalidated, or coddled so much that they are paralyzed by their own pain and diagnosis. I stand for healing and I know what’s possible.

I struggled with a chronic illness for years. Despite being literally the textbook epitome of health and doing everything “right”. So trust me I’ve had some pissed off moments feeling helpless, hopeless, and like I didn’t deserve this. I’ve been angry that the medical world has failed me and frustrated that no one else can help me. I wanted a hero. I wanted an easily fixable diagnosis. I wanted a cure. They never came. So it was on me. It’s still on me. I’ve dug myself out of my decades of complex severe trauma, health issues, a brain injury from a violent assault etc. I didn’t ask for any of those things, but it’s my Job to heal them. For ME.

In between those thousands of little moments where I wanted to throw up my hands, embrace the label and accept that my life was over, I fought! I fought every single moment for my healing. I’ve taken 100% responsibility for my health both mentally and physically despite the fact I didn’t cause this, ask for this, or want this. So trust me I get it. I know what this journey feels like, and I know what it takes to get through it.

You have trauma YES. You have health issues, YES. You have things that feel out of your control and many of them may be. But so many more things ARE within your control, and the goal is to take every single thing you have power over and harness them! Change them. Heal them. Because healing is Still possible if you choose. If you decide you’re ready for a multifaceted, multidimensional approach and ready to do the work you can and will change your life for the better, with a little fire and a little love ✨💖.