Chronic illness, trauma, abuse and surviving to build thriving businesses.

Today’s the day I stop and reflect. 11 years ago, As a 23-year-old who was bartending and sick of late nights and smoky bars trying to pursue a music career, I took the terrifying plunge into entrepreneurship. I had a passion for health and fitness, but not the slightest CLUE how to do anything business-related. I spent a good year doodling business names and logo ideas on bar napkins in between slinging drinks, thinking of all the ways I’d want to do fitness differently, how I’d want it to be such a bigger and deeper concept than most concepts.
One night I just decided I was done. I was done serving drunken assholes, I was done having my ears hurt from blaring music, I was done walking to my car at 5am smelling like cigarette smoke and booze then waking up hours later to do what I REALLY wanted to do which was continue my studies in alternative health.

I was 23. Zero business knowledge. Zero mentors. Zero investors. Zero backup plan. Zero partners. Just this girl with a vision that was so much bigger than her, and a work ethic that she knew would carry her through.
Kaizen Concepts was born. A wellness company with a corporate focus, centered on nutrition, fitness and massage. Within the first year I had large corporate accounts and even had One of the biggest names in country music hire me for his label. It was surreal to say the least.
I did all of this while in an incredibly toxic and abusive relationship. One I felt stuck in, especially after I quit bartending and poured everything into massage school full time and building my business. 12 months into killing myself, growing, and building, things reached a head and I was told by my then fiancé that I was looking for a free ride in life, and that I had 30 days to vacate our home. The next day a formal eviction letter arrived. 3 dogs, pennies to my name, nowhere to go.
Thank God for my sister who saved me. She drove to Nashville and not only helped me load what we could into a tiny 700 square-foot apartment she also helped me with the down payment and literally bought me a microwave and silverware to start all over. I had to give up the love of my life pittie Mya, because there was absolutely no way she’d have a happy life in such a tiny place, not to mention apartments have 2 dog limits. I never really forgave myself for that 💔💔💔💔

I left so many important and sentimental (all my holiday decor too) items behind, including my beloved art studio full of paintings, drawings, and all my tools. To this day that devastated me so much that I’ve never picked up a paintbrush or bought a canvas. It took years before I even tried to decorate for the holidays. I left so many parts of me behind in that house and brought many wounds that would take a long time to heal.

All I knew was I was angry and hurt enough to be committed to proving him wrong. I also knew I had no choice BUT to succeed. I had bills to pay and 2 other puppies that I refused to have to give up. More than anything I knew that if I could put myself back together, that I would help do the same for so many others. Fitness saved me. Business saved me. Helping and serving my clients saved me. This is why when I speak about my journey as an entrepreneur, or any of my companies, it’s coming from my soul. It’s coming from a heart full of so much hurt, struggle, purpose and most importantly triumph.

This one story is a drop in the bucket of the struggles leading up to that point or the business struggles that I had after that point. Unfortunately, it also wasn’t the last toxic and devastating relationship that I was in that I had to overcome either.
Three years ago when I knew it was time to close the gym in Nashville I truly thought that I was going to venture into this whole new level of entrepreneurial ease. I had spent 8 years building my business into something more successful than I had ever imagined. We were still growing until the DAY we closed the doors, and it is NOT easy to walk away from something that is working so well. But I knew it was time, and my health was making it very hard to keep up with the endless workload that owning Kaizen required.

I had put in my dues, I had grown and learned so much. I had “arrived”. I was going to launch my new companies, work from home, have low stress, do life coaching via #SpiritualFitChick and travel the world with #ZenFinders. Oh and be a cute little wife who cooked gourmet healthy dinners and sat down with her husband at 5 PM every day to discuss their perfect life. 😂🙄😂🙄😂

I honestly didn’t have the slightest clue that my BIGGEST challenges both personally, professionally and with my health we’re going to nearly destroy me. I didn’t have a clue that some of the lessons in confidence, self-worth, spirituality and business that I thought I’d mastered years ago we’re going to come back tenfold. I didn’t have a clue my body was going to shut down and deal with a 2 1/2 year flare of chronic illness that had me spending eight months in bed, gaining over 40 pounds, unable to speak in walk some days, and drive me and my new husband into a financial and stress crisis. I hadn’t a clue that my beloved fitness, the one thing that had kept me mentally and physically STRONG my entire life, would be stripped away from me entirely… that I’d be forced to be still in a way i never had. I had no idea that I’d have to walk away from (shelf) the retreat company that I had spent a whole year building because my health wouldn’t allow me to continue. That I’d be forced to be bare, weak, and vulnerable and feel completely naked in a brand new world I was trying to create for myself. I had no clue I’d have so many awful experiences with people I was trying to build friendships and business relationships with. I had no idea it would all be so stressful, overwhelming, and downright devastating that I’d literally feel like it was all just way too much. That I was just DONE.

I put on a strong face, I kept the content positive and educational, I recycled old pictures and posts over and over again so I didn’t dissolve into nothingness with my online community, I poured into my clients as I always had because one thing I’ve ALWAYS done is that. In fact most of the time making my existence about anything BUT me, was one of the only ways I escaped the pain of hurt I was going through. But both my husband and I were fighting some of the hardest battles of our lives… it felt like drowning every day.
Man. I really really really didn’t have a clue that was coming when I cheerfully posted about the NEW LIFE IN CHARLOTTE that was to come.

But here’s what I did know. After a year of no answers from every specialist around the globe, after a year of feeling out of sorts in my own mind and body, after a year of disappointments and things not going the way that I thought they were with my perfect new dream life. I knew it was time to change my expectations, I knew it was time to stop pretending that that fantasy life was going to magically appear. I knew that even if I had 10% functionality of my brain and body that I could pivot, that I could get creative, that I could tap in, tune in and keep moving forward even if it didn’t look ANYTHING like what I originally planned. That’s exactly how #zeninabottle was born. I pulled our big lounge chair in front of the fireplace, exhausted I would show up no matter what. I either sat there or in my bed for almost 8 months doing the research and back end development for something that I knew I could do even if it was at a snail’s pace. And it WAS! The picture of me here was the day I made that decision. You can see the defeat and brokenness of me in that photo, but I still had fight.

I had been hopelessly passionate about vitamins, minerals, and things like CBD for so long and honestly, they were the ONLY thing keeping me afloat at the time. I wanted to create something again, unlike anything else out there, and pour my own pain into solutions for everyone else suffering. Zen In A Bottle was another thing I had absolutely zero clue about, and exactly one year in I uttered the words “I’m DONE with this” because it had felt like a year of nothing but failures and frustrations. Things were such a struggle the second year into me trying all these new endeavors that I literally applied for being an Uber driver just to try to dig us out of the pit we were in. I went out one day and completed 4 rides, making $21 in 3.5 hours. I felt so defeated, so broken. But heart and soul screamed at me this is not for you. I tore the sticker up when I came home and recommitted to my DIVINE PURPOSE bigger than ever.
Zen in a Bottle had our two year anniversary last week and are growing stronger every day.

I could go on and on about all the little details and nuances, but I doubt you want to read every detail of my life story. If you read this far hopefully it gives you some idea about the purpose and passion that have been poured into my businesses for the last 11 years.
The good news is as of last year I slowly started making more bigger steps towards healing. There hasn’t been a single day that I stopped fighting for my health, because I know with every fiber of my being that healing IS possible. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and myalgic encephalomyelitis. Both “diseases” characterized by profound, debilitating fatigue, sleep abnormalities, pain, mental decline, depression, brain fog, and other symptoms that are made worse by even the tiniest exertion. As someone who spent her life pushing herself to the limits both mentally and physically, this has taken a lot of adjustment, self-care, compassion, patience, and flexibility in my personal and professional life. I WILL heal 100%. I refuse to be a statistic of continual decline, I refuse to accept benign labels that are meant to determine the outcome and quality of my life. I refuse to let where I’m at be as far as I’ll go. I refused to give up on me, I refused to give up on my businesses, I refused to give up on the people I know I’m meant to help.

As I finally turned a corner and inched back to functionality, I had a deeper understanding of my vision and purpose than I ever had before. The clarity of exactly how I was supposed to take my trauma healing tools, my stress management approaches, and my mind/body/soul approach to nutrition and fitness became more apparent than ever. I decided I was done holding anything back and the results and outcome have been nothing short of miraculous.

I’ve always known I was good at what I do because my commitment to and passion for it can hardly be matched. But more importantly than that, I’ve known that my own journey, pain, trauma, and healing make me GREAT at what I do. That has never been more evident than now. Every day as I get stronger and stronger, I will only become more of a healing force to be reckoned with.

Entrepreneurship is a long road. You spend the majority of the time looking at the next goal and focusing on where you can improve. Unfortunately, many of us are perfectionists in our work with insanely high expectations, which doesn’t leave a lot of room or time for reflection or pats on the back.

November each year is that month for me. I talk about my business more than ever, I reflect, I celebrate, I buy myself anniversary gifts, I run huge sales to thank my customers and clients and I truly bask in gratitude and appreciation for how far I’ve come and what I’ve been able to accomplish despite everything I’ve been up against. I share a lot of this because frankly yes I am damn proud of myself, but I hope more than anything that this inspires anyone reading it and shows them the true side of entrepreneurship and success that not many people see, ESPECIALLY for those dealing with mental or physical health challenges.
Social media is flooded with Gucci bags, laughing “I’m so happy and successful” pics and luxury vacations with #bossbabe hashtags. These paint a really bull shit picture of what this journey really looks like for a lot of us.

So, Year 11 may be my PROUDEST YET. 11 years of complete solo entrepreneurship at 34 years old. 8 companies. Thousands of customers and clients, One published journal and a book on the way. #ZenFinders will relaunch next year as will something else incredibly exciting that I can’t WAIT TO SHARE WITH YOU!

I will continue to launch more accessible programs, innovate more products, and endlessly pour out free resources for anyone who can’t work with me directly. I PROMISE to continue to show up for myself and for those who need me in bigger and stronger ways every year that I’m blessed enough to take this journey!
SO HERE’S TO KAIZEN CONCEPTS. A name I chose 11 years ago because it means “constant and never-ending improvement”. My goal has always been to do you JUST that in life, and in business.
#Thekaizenway #SpiritualFitChick #ZenFinders #zeninabottle #ZenPits #kaizengear #kaizenfit #kaizenhybridtraining #kaizenconcepts